It’s been such a strange week. I had Mass this morning and they had a guest choir in who sang For the Beauty of the Earth and of course I cried because I love that song. It always feels like if there is a God then he is speaking when I hear that song, plus the choir sang it so beautifully! The priest did some kind of special blessing and I got holy water on me and it was the first time that had happened.
Mum helped me with some study and left just after 3pm. I kept studying on and off until about 10 and then stopped.
I took a break in my studying at one point and started to read. I was reading Phyllis Currot and at one point had this strange image. I saw myself standing alone, lost and then after a minute these people on either side of me appeared but I didn’t know which way to turn and I felt really scared and alone.
I feel like that. Wicca is one group of people, the church is the other and I have no friends to help me work out which way to go.
I’ve just eaten ice cream and too much icing sugar so now as well as feeling alone and lost I feel useless and undisciplined as well. Crap I wish I knew how to fix things. Why can’t I just get work, make money, date, eat right, exercise, work out which bloody direction I want to go in spiritually.
Bed. It’s late and if I’m awake much longer I’ll have something else to feel useless about.
Give me your thoughts - Do you ever feel lost? Do you ever feel totally alone?
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