Avatar Movie

Tonight I went to see Avatar. What an incredibly diverse range of talent, storyline, colour and imagination. What I wouldn't give for an hour alone with the person who dreamt that all up! In case you couldn't tell I loved it, even though I spend about half of it both in tears and holding my breath.

I loved the amazing imagination of the creatures and the plants. There is no spoiler telling you about the incredible creature which twirled like a helicopter with a single spinning 'wing' of fiery red.

However what has really set my mind going was the incredible metaphor. I've heard through the grapevine that this movie has set young people, around the tween age, toward environmental causes. Now I have no doubt that children see the world differently to adults. Our world, I believe, begins large because they see everything. As we age our prejudices and judgement, expectations and assumptions begin to narrow our vision. Children do not have this problem. I believe that this movie gives us a glimpse of how our own planet works. The energy of it's living creatures, the connections between us and our planet and the effect we have. According to the movie all energy is a loan; at some point we must give it back. I believe that Avatar attempted to put what we should know and feel instinctively in to a visual representation so we could see it.

Personally I came out of this movie hating my race. Humans cause a lot of destruction and whilst I will not give spoilers you don't have to just watch Avatar to know this. Simply watch the news each night or a road being widened. Now I am aware, and I try to remember, that not everyone is the same. There are many precious, generous, kind, thoughtful, passionate people who do not destroy. I am also aware that there is the necessary balance of yin and yang, heaven and hell, good and bad. What disturbs me is the sense that we are not in balance.

A few months back I realised what I saw was my answer to the meaning of life. I believe that on the simplest level our challenge in our lifetime is to find balance. No complicated lessons, not messy goals. Just balance. Now that sounds simple but imagine this with the metaphor of a sharpened pencil. According to science everything has a centre of gravity, a balance. Now in a sharpened pencil it is very hard to find that centre but that doesn't mean it's not there. I believe a balance can be achieved. I'd like to see us begin to find that balance, as a race not as individuals, sometime in my lifetime but the fact is that humans aren't very good at balance. We tend to swing wildly from one thing to another, barely touching on the centre that I believe is the key.

I hope I'm wrong. I see people trying to find that balance, as I do every day, and I see some succeed and some fail. I fail regularly. But I hope that we can all search for, and someday all find, the balance in our lives and our world. Becuase until we do I don't think we will even begin to comprehend the impact we have on ourselves, each other and our home.

One quick afterthought. Today is what I call a binary day. 11/1/10. If you think about it binary is in perfect balance. There are only two which seems to digitally represent the yin and yang of life. A binary day is a special occasion, only happening 9 times in 4 years of any thousand years.

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Give me your thoughts - Do you struggle in the search for balance? Do you feel that balance is the key or is it something else?

The Mid 20's sux!

Ok. I officially hate being an adult. I especially hate being in my 20's. As per my policy I won't tell you my exact age but I can assure you I'm over 20 and under 30.

I recently came back to my pet hate about this age. Everything is aimed at KIDS! It drives me crazy. I'm not 16 so I can't do the kid or teen classes. I'm not 30 so my insurance costs a FORTUNE and I'm not elderly so there aren't special groups. Someone please explain just exactly what I'm supposed to do with my life at this age? Have kids? Get drunk? Party all night? Work all day?? Call me crazy but that really doesn't sound like fun! I want to learn new things. Try things I didn't have the discipline for at 16. Music, dance and even gymnastics. Yes I want to try gymnastics and ballet in my 20's, is that illegal? Should I be banned from it?

So I get online and aside from the irritating habit of Google turning up a town from a totally different state dozens of matches come up. Except there is one major problem....EVERYTHING is directed a kids. Under 10's, those over 5, teenagers, those under 20...the list goes on. NOTHING is for adults.

The most frustrating part is that I eventually came up with links for adults. All private lessons. Now I'm not sure about other students but I'm broke. Dismally and totally broke. Especially considering that my car insurance will remain stupidly expensive until I turn 30. All things considered if I had the money to spend $30+ on private lessons I probably wouldn't be living in student accommodation.

So now what??? Can someone PLEASE tell me what the solution is? There must have been some other person on this planet, even perhaps in Australia, who didn't want to stop learning and trying new things when they finished High School. If you are out there tell me what you did? I still want to learn new things and without giving up study to work so I can afford private lessons I'm out of options (and really wanting to avoid going to classes for 10 year olds!).

Seriously though why is this the case? In the list of things I don't understand this is at the top of the list. I honestly don't get what I'm supposed to do with my time. Why is it that everything structured (apart from Uni) is for teens and kids. Camps, summer music programs, computer school challenges, the Rock Eisteddfod...it's all for teens. So what do adults do? Are we not supposed to be interested or is everyone else handed the 'guide to being 20' when they leave school and I missed out? Am I honestly the only one who still wants to try new things? No offence intended (seriously!) but I don't want to hang out with 40 year olds and older people. In some cases I do but not all the time. I do however want to try new classes. Tennis perhaps, or camps where you can do rope courses or archery. Does no one else want to challenge themselves or is the only challenge people aim for a drinking challenge? Or is it that we're expected to know how to play music and dance and stuff and just do concerts?

Now I will enter my second gripe of the week. The few things I can find, and some sound like fun, everything is on a Monday! Now I won't even go in to the fact that my show, Stargate Universe, is supposed to be on Mondays because stupid, annoying, frustrating Channel 10 cut it off after 3 episodes. All I will say is that we CAN do things on other days of the week!

As usual I could rant about this for ages but considering I have class tomorrow (yes I'm on a cruel schedule which makes me study in January!) and it's after Midnight I'll sign off instead BEGGING that you read this and help me find a solution. Am I the only one who thinks this sux?

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Give me your thoughts - Do you miss some of the opportunities given to teenagers? Do you want to learn new things? Did you overcome this problem already and if so - how? Please let me know, I'm totally at a loss with this one!

Expectations for your age

Today I'm suddenly having a crisis. I don't know why. I mean I've just moved, for about the 20th (literally) time in my life, I've spent the last few days packing, and it's the New Year. However once again I find myself with the same questions in my head "Why can't I be 16 again?"

I voiced this to someone who then asked me something I've never considered - Why?

Why? I've never thought about why. A few things popped into my head. I like having people take care of me, I liked knowing what was expected of me and I liked life being simpler. However after half an hour I had another thought. It's not what was expected of me then that I liked it's what expected of me now that I don't like! Ever since I've left school I've felt like a fish out of water. Floundering about. Not sure of the rules, always feeling slow to catch up. But what bugs me most is feeling like I don't know what I should. I feel oftentimes like there is a manual to life someone that no-one told me about. I feel like all of a sudden I'm supposed to be able to know things, do things and handle things I have no knowledge or experience of. Like when my car got dinged several months ago. No one ever told me what to do in that situation. How do I know what you do? Do you call the cops if no one is hurt? Do you get their details? Do you get a tow? Do you give away your licence? Thankfully I had someone with me who knew what to do and the repairman for my car gave me a fantastic little card (which I will hopefully never need!). The card was big enough to fill out everything you need and told you what to do in case of an accident. For the record I think one should be given to every new driver.

This is just one example. What about meeting people and making friends when there is no structured environment? The age old question of getting a date. I know some learn this stuff in high school and most people probably never think about it but I didn't (learn it) and I do (think about it). I watch TV shows where all these teenagers are easily handling everything. Illness, accidents, setbacks...I'm well aware that TV isn't always reality but it still reflects what I see around me.

Personally I don't get it. I don't know how to be an adult. I don't know if I'm supposed to get Cholesterol checks, or how much my stuff is worth. I know nothing about Tax and have no idea if I have a no-claim bonus with my car insurance. I don't know how to tell if my car battery is about to die (which it did and I was ripped off getting it replaced). Does everyone feel as uncertain as me? Or has everyone else just made the same mistakes and moved on? Or does everyone just know somehow?

This is why I wish I was 16. Aside from just being the sort of person who likes to do everything twice, I feel so behind everyone else. It's like everyone I know is going at one speed and I feel like the little sister in movies always tagging behind her older sibling, struggling to keep up.

And what drives me crazy is sometimes, at night or when I'm writing a story on my computer (which I do for fun) or when I watch the 'Where the hell is Matt' video on youtube (see my previous post 26/11/09) I feel like I get it all. Just for a moment I get this strange sense that I understand all the questions I ask. For that moment I (and I know I sound crazy) feel like I can sense my soul or God or something. I love that feeling and to me that would be what I'd want to feel if I were to go to Heaven. I'm not saying I believe in Heaven but it's a good word to use and it's one that most people understand the idea of.

This is why I keep this blog secret. I could never say this stuff if people knew who I was. If I am the only one who feels this and everyone found out I would die of embarrassment but that's my issue for the week. This is why I want to be 16. I want time to catch up to everyone else. To feel for once like I'm not trailing behind or not speaking the same language as those around me. And now that I've made sure I sound like a complete nutjob I'm going to sign off for the evening.

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Give me your thoughts - Am I the only one who feels clumsy and floundering? Do you feel like you are expected to know things you couldn't possibly know or things you feel like you should know but don't?