Ordinarily I don't blog several times in one day (except when I've done something stupid) however tonight is an exception. It is 12:03am and I am still working on my one assignment. This assignment has been the toughest, most frustrating assignment I've ever had. For the last two nights I've dreamt non-stop, I've thought about it eating, showering, trying to study for my exam this morning and every waking moment for the last 5 days (not to mention the time working on it over the last few weeks).
Why? Because this assignment has been HELL. Ordinarily you try something, you fail, you try again and eventually you get better. Not with this. I have read, written, read something different, tried again, and again and again, spoken to my Mum, who knows a little about the topic, tried again. No matter what happens I cannot understand the topic or how to do the assignment. Yes I have asked the teacher for help and every so often, just for the briefest of moments, I think I understand it. Then something happens and it's gone. For the last few days I've felt like I've been trying to catch a bubble but it keeps breaking.
So why the fuss? Well this subject is my Major. It is what I will be studying for the next three years. So not understanding my first real test of intelligence regarding my Major is SCARY! I feel like I'm drowning when all I've done is dip my toe in and it's making me re-think everything I've chosen to do. However there is one problem and that is I don't want to change my major. I want to understand this. I want to conquer it because I suspect that when I do (which I WILL) I will feel pretty damn good about it.
In the meantime I have to leave the assignment and just do the best I can. I can't do any better because I'm clearly missing something vital and it's due in about 12 hours. So I'm going to sign off instead and get some much needed, and well deserved sleep!
....quick after note. I just noticed how bad the editor is for blogger. As someone who creates websites I am ashamed that it's WYSIWYG editor is so bad. 〈i〉 tags, 〈b〉 tags and a shameful amount of extra stuff which is entirely unneeded. I will edit my posts and fix them up for all the people who read the web with a text reader.
Give me your thoughts - Have you had something you know you should've gotten but couldn't? Did you give up?
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