I've been thinking a lot today. It's Friday and tomorrow Mum is coming to visit for a night. I've spend the last two days watching Gossip Girl. It's a strange series with characters whom I doubt exist in real life...however having said that I wish more than anything that I had friends with whom I was that close. Right toward the end (and don't worry I won't give away the ending) one of the girls has a secret. A secret she has been carrying for a long time and what made me Jealous was the fact that she could go to her friends, tell them, trust them and know they wouldn't betray her.
I don't have that. I have friends. I even have more friends this year than I did last year however none of them are that close. I used to have two friends whom I trusted however one has moved away and the other now has a partner. I feel abandoned. Not that I begrudge them their happiness but I miss them. I don't trust easily so it's difficult to watch very good friends, like in Gossip Girl, and not be jealous.
I hope/wish/long/pray for some friends whom I can tell anything to. Without siblings, grandparents and close friends it's easy to feel alone and abandoned. I wish I could find one or two people who I connected with. I believe in soul friends. People who you just click with and feel comfortable with. But I over-think and each time I think I may have met one I am disappointed. Then I remember being about 10 or so and my best friend in the whole world telling me very seriously that she didn't want to be friends anymore. I don't think she ever gave me a reason but I was devastated. I still see her occasionally but our connection has gone.
On a lighter note I quite enjoyed Gossip Girl and at some point, perhaps after my exams and assignments are done, I'll start season 2.
Give me your thoughts - Do you long for someone you can trust, that soul friend? Do you find it difficult to trust people?
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