Watching DVD's of Army Wives season 1 tonight. Got me thinking. I'm Australian and my family is totally opposite anything military. I hate violence and I think war is the most useless thing ever as it wastes precious lives...however....
I find comfort in things which are considered acceptable. I know that sounds whack but it's true and I can't admit that to anyone, not even my mother. People tell me "it shouldn't matter what people think" but the thing is it does. And because of that I suspect I would find it incredibly comforting to get married normally, have children and have a husband who was police or military. I envy people who believe in something so strongly they will fight for it. I especially envy those who have faith which is why I sometimes go to church. Not because I do believe in it but because I want to believe in it, in God.
I feel torn in two sometimes. Part of me likes the idea of getting a little farm house, home-schooling my children and getting away from the consumeristic society I live in. The other part of me wants to marry a military guy, go to church and be the good wife, the good mother. I like routine. I like things being predictable. I like knowing my job, my responsibility and I like knowing what's going to happen. Being a military wife I suspect is everything BUT predictable however that doesn't mean I don't want it. In the show the husbands (and some wives) believe in what they are doing so strongly. They rearrange their entire lives to follow what they believe in and I envy that so much.
I don't really believe in anything. I don't really believe in God, I don't really believe in a cause. I like arguing politics but I don't really believe in that either. I don't know what happens when we die. I don't believe that science is everything but I don't know what else there is....I am a non believer and not in a good way.
I wish I could believe in things. I wish I was in love with a military guy because being in love would at least mean I believe in the guy I was in love with. To risk your life for what you believe in is, at the very least, very brave and even if I don't agree that war solves our problems I do believe that.
I don't really know how to believe in things. Part of me I know just wants my life to be simpler. Bake cookies, hold fund-raisers, support those in need whilst their spouses are away...I could do that. I don't know how to do complicated things. Obligation is easier for me. To make new friends is difficult, to socialise because I have to...that's easier.
I'm sure the life of a Military spouse is not easy, and I'm aware that life isn't like TV, but I respect them. To wonder if your loved one is Ok could not be easy however even so I still envy them. Because at the end of the day they know they love their partner and they know that their partner believes in something enough to risk their life and that takes great courage.
Give me your thoughts - What do you believe in? Do you wish you believed in something different, if so why?
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