I've been thinking a lot recently the pace of my life and where it's going. I'm sure that's not a unique thought and I'm not feeling alone in these thoughts, for a rare moment, however what's set this off is two things. Firsly I've moved, again, without wanting to and secondly a person who has been major in my life has gone off on a long trip. Now I know that I can talk to them and phone and email etc...but it's not the same. I miss them a lot. I miss not being able to talk to them all the time and see them.
I'm forcing myself not to miss them because if a stop...even for a moment...I'll fall apart and realise how long 7-8 months (as a minimum) is. The longest time I've been away from this person is 3 months. I was emailing them a song today called "Turning it Over" by Meg Christian and there is a lyrics which says "I'm afraid of my freedom but my running days are done" and I wait for the day when this person says that to me. They are a restless soul who is always running and I hope that one day they don't need to run anymore.
Personally I'm having trouble dealing with the instability. I'm a home-body. I don't like travel. I don't like parties. I don't like going even a couple of hours drive from my home, even if it's from one home to another (uni-home to home-home). Moving has made their leaving twice as hard because I was starting to feel that my room, my housemates, was a home and now it's gone; ripped away without a care.
Part of what I've been doing in the last few days is going slow. That is hard in this mad-rush-about world we live in but I've forced it out of necessity. That's what I do sometimes. I wish I could live simply. Spinning thread, weaving, gardening, looking after animals, cooking, reading...it would be nice to live day-to-day for a while. I've never been one for the rat-race but in the last few years I've pulled away from it even more. Even the study rat-race isn't really appealing. I mean I want to do well but the 'must be first' motivation is gone.
...listening to the song. WISHING that the person I mentioned would tell me their wandering days were over. I know I can't say that to the person. It would be cruel because they NEED this journey. But it's hard not to hate that need. I could never hate them but I hate their constant desire to wander. I miss them...a lot!
Give me your thoughts - Do you wish you could slow down? Are you suited to the rat-race? Are you a wanderer or a home-body? Why? Do you wish someone would stop wandering?
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